So the final mission to meet a good man has finally come to a close. Not because I met a great man, but because I ran out of time. Crazy that I couldn’t find a fabulous guy in 90 days right? Sarcasm people. Not because there aren’t a ton of great guys out there, I am sure there are. Just because 90 days isn’t very long and I didn’t do the best job on this mission. With all the negative feedback I got I was a little down on the mission from the get go. Not to mention I hate bad dates and even more so, I HATE dumping people.
If you are lost right now, start with:
I try often to ghost people (I know I’m a jerk), but has anyone else noticed that ghosting doesn’t work? No hints are taken it seems. And it almost gives me anxiety to get texts from guys knowing I need to tell them I don’t like them and don’t want to go out again.
Since I last wrote, I have been asked out four times and didn’t end up on a single date. I kind of stink at communication which may have something to do with it, haha. But also I am having a hard time convincing myself to go on dates for fear of having to “dump” them later. I used to meet guys under circumstances that allowed me to get to know them a little first. Now most of my date invitations come over social media. The problem for me personally is that I don’t feel like I get to know anyone over social media and without really knowing them I don’t get excited to go out with them. So I do what every woman does. Come up with an excuse, pray they forget they asked me out. Some times they do seem to forget or maybe they change their minds when they don’t hear from me. I really don’t know.
Apparently social media is the number one place to get asked out ladies, if you have the same problem with that path as I do I feel for ya.
The Places We Will Go
Over the last few weeks I went to sporting goods stores, the grocery store (men are funny grocery shoppers by the way), more sporting events, sports bars, regular bars, Target (ok that was mostly for my own happiness) and hiking.
My friend and I had a hilarious night when we went out to a Sports bar, we did really well by picking a night when the local college football team was on TV and as soon as the game was over we had new friends. I will give the guys this much, they were super funny, super confident (my favorite) and all in great, stable careers. The problem is I know this type too well, they would have totally been my type three years ago. But they are the group of men that have a lot of things going for them except the ability to settle down. They also typically seem to lack any desire for a family, or a family sounds nice but they don’t plan to participate other than financially. We had a lot of fun talking to them and then left to meet up with some other friends. I really thought my girl friend might be interested in one of the friends we hung out with, but she was not. Shows how well I can see “the spark.”
At least the sports bar led to some interaction with men! I have been informed by some male readers that attending events in “packs” and hoping to meet men is probably pointless. But I’ve also realized I just don’t have the guts to try to talk to complete strangers alone. I feel a lot more comfortable having at least one friend with me. Maybe I should make that my New Years resolution, learn to talk to strange men alone.
Hmmm… maybe not that exactly.
I have to say one thing I never got around to was a dog park. And I think this was a mistake because while I was in the dog aisle at Target three different guys made conversation with me. Ok, fine two of them were together. It was pretty much the first time anyone other than an old lady has spoken to me at a store. I guess dogs are an easy topic to discuss. Which make me think they are probably a great ice breaker at a place like a dog park. If you have a friendly dog, maybe you coud even park yourself outside of a coffee shop and see if cute guys stop to pet your dog.
I find it extremely hard to meet men hiking. First off, the trails aren’t usually that crowded. I hike fairly often and I can honestly say I don’t see a lot of men my age out there. I am sure they are out there because this was a suggestion I got a lot. Maybe they are on more intense trails or backpacking. Or maybe the odds of crossing paths with a young, single man on a scarcely populated hiking trail are just really low.
One thing I don’t do very often is stay in the lodges around the National Parks. I am thinking staying there a couple of days would create more opportunities to meet people. I will also be going ice skating Saturday in Yosemite. Maybe that will lead to more opportunities to meet men. Do you think single men go ice skating with their friends?… Don’t answer that.
I got to have dinner recently with some girl friends and one of them was telling me about her current boyfriend and how she met him. They met while camping with some mutual friends. She said he met all the requirements on her checklist, he was nice, cute, he had a dog, he liked being outdoors. So she decided she had to at least try to reach out to him after meeting him and now they are a happy couple! This made me consider a couple of things. One, how awesome is her list?! I love dogs and I want to be with a nice man. What if we stopped overthinking all these qualities we want in a man and just simplified what we are looking for? What if at least at first we just tried to meet kind guys, preferably that love dogs. Two, SHE pursued him. I have got to step my game up. My idea of pursuing a guy is more in line with this girls..
I think sadly that is how a lot of us “let guys know we are interested.” And we have to be honest with ourselves ladies, that sucks. Putting yourself out there is hard, but no wonder men are so confused by us. If we like them we practically avoid them and try to appear “unbothered” by their presence. My favorite guys are the ones that just approach you in public and don’t hesitate to flirt, but I couldn’t be less like that. So there is another thing for me to work on! I had a friend make a great suggestion that I didn’t experiment with because I am a creature of habit (or a big scaredy cat). I always go to the same crossfit box and since I live in a small town the chances of me meeting anyone new there are practically non existent. She suggested that I drop in at other crossfit gyms. And I was pretty much too chicken to do it. It took me forever to work up the nerve to try crossfit so I can’t even imagine going to other gyms and doing it. However, her idea is brilliant and addresses the real issue that myself and at least a few other girls I know have.
WE WON’T LEAVE OUR COMFORT ZONES.
We spend the majority of our waking hours at work, then head to the same gym every night, go home to make ourselves dinner, put on Netflix for the next couple hours and then go to bed. I’m not sure when Prince Charming would ever have time to see if the glass slipper fits. We would probably tell him we need to schedule that for a weekend in the near future. And that just isn’t reasonable.
I was telling a friend that a guy I was really, really interested in and seriously wanted to spend time with was in town for awhile and asked me to go golfing with him. But it was a Thursday and I always make my parents dinner on Thursday, so I told him that. She immediately let me have it. “Whyyyyy? Why would you tell him you have to make your parents dinner?! You do that every single week. I’m sure they would have understood. Of course he quit texting you, he thinks you aren’t interested! The guy can only ask you to hang out so many times.” Most of the time when I tell guys I can’t hang out it is because I’m not interested, but how can I expect them to be able to tell the difference?
I think I have rambled long enough about all of my dating mistakes. So let me sum up my findings.
You won’t meet anyone if you don’t leave you house and leave it often!
I have been reassured that putting yourself out there with the possibility of rejection or embarrassment will be one hundred percent worth it when you do in fact find the love of your life. And I’m going to try to remember that every time I want to stay home and be antisocial.
Unfotunately, I have to admit the good ol sports bar is the easiest place to spark up a conversation with a guy.
And dating apps are still a joke.
Good luck out there ladies!